Fresh Air
RANTS
I just came from the other campus when I arrived at the Main Premises. The dean saw me and he started chattering about his idea of organizing a chorale for the coming competition this December 8. He was asking me of who the probable participants are, or if this activity could even be possible over two weeks time. Yeah! So much for a breather.
This morning, I realized I have a lot of things to do and I needed to breath fresh air before I even lose my sanity. Tomorrow’s the ITE Forum as I knew but we haven’t formulated plans yet for the SITES. Then a week from now will be the ITE nyt but we’re really having problems bout the venue. Heck! Poor Bert! He’s getting too stressed out with this, and so is everybody. As if we’re hoping for a miracle to let things happen the way it supposed to. December 17 is our first deadline of our thesis prototype and heck, our system always bugs down. I wonder how we’ll all survive this semester’s hell!!
Anyway, I’m still working out how I could possibly make all the news writers and contributors submit all that needs to be done for the December issue. huhuhuh.. Because of this too much busy-ness, i forgot to make my assignments this week. Yeah! I was fifteen minutes late in my class this morning just to make a one-page homework that was supposed to be done last week-end. A week from now will be also be our quiz show. Still not that confident yet.
I’ve been to busy with my own world lately that I don’t even know how I’ll manage to get through all these. Family problems, financial problems, school problems, pressure, tension, stress - countless maybe. Yeah! I know everyone’s having their own share of problems, and I’m really used to these. But sometimes, i just want to shout out to to the whole world that I’m giving up. I just want to sleep at night without having to worry anything that might happen the following day.
I always tell my hubby I want to step out of school soon – to graduate. Life seems to be easier when you’re not pressured in keeping up with your responsibilites. When I didn’t make it to the PHILNITS Exams, there is this tiny voice in me that shouts “Hooray”. Maybe I’m a bit of a twerp because who would not want to pass that kind of exam, when after passing it, you’ll be insured of a stable job abroad? The voice in me tells that people out there should realize that I am not at all a genius who can keep up with their expectations that easily. There is the drive that I really want to make it as a passer, but I wasn’t able to.. Maybe this is who i am.. I am not at all PERFECT..
GOODY-GOODY
So much for all the rants. There are still people out there who makes my day a little bit brighter. I visited the office this afternoon and Mr.Dean just told me that I’m getting a bit prettier – or rather beautiful. That was a nice compliment. He got a little bit nosey of what the reason might be.
Hehehe.. Maybe because there is this one person out there who has that perfect blend of keeping my sanity at bay.. When I think I need a BREATHE OF FRESH AIR, I always run to him. I always look forward to our week-ends when I could finally take a break from the stressful work and spend my time for fun alone with him – this is only the chance we’ve got to talk seriously about anything. Today, I felt like I’m going to lose my brains any minute so I thought having him around for just an hour would do the job of reviving me back to my old jolly self. (Talking about physical and emotional dependence!!) I am always amazed by his boldness. I really wouldn’t mind if we’re talking about the usual stuff we talk about. I just really need his presence to assure me that everything will fall into its right place any time soon.
Have I?
I don’t know if I’m being too cheesy these past days or I’m simply drugged with the addiction I’m into. LOVE – the whole mess of it. Shout out to those who had finally found it. (Wait! I’m losing the direction of my writing!!!!) I’ve been diving in and out of relationships the past seven years of my life. Bein’ single for more than a year, it was still fun – spending my time with a bunch of freaks and friends. But something’s been missin’.
I had a broken heart more than once, and had broken some of the others too. I cried; they cried. Nobody won; everybody lost. Maybe because I was hurt that I lost the meaning of LOVE. Regrets, plenty. Tears, a bucketful. That’s when I finally decided that I will not cry for some other person again, even if that would mean I have to shut off my heart from that tempting LOVE.
When I realized my fourteen-year-old sister’s having a mess of her time with that LOVE thing, I said she’s too young for it. What does a fourteen-year-old know about it? Or should I say, what do I know about LOVE? Do I know enough that i can say i had found it?
Yes! I thought I found him. And the fear of having to lose again in this kind of gamble is so strong. I feared the day that i might not take it anymore. The day he’ll leave me. But sometimes, I can hear my self say “I wouldn’t mind losing’cause a time with him is worth the price to pay!”
